Original Chaos

Been awhile. It's been... something... since I last posted. I woke up one horrible morning after everyone was sure we would have the first woman US President to hear NPR reporting a buffoonish clown had won instead. Even the staid NPR sounded in shock. Then, after dismissing & dismantling most of the health infrastructure, an opportunistic virus swept thru and unlike 2006 it was not contained upon arrival. We all know what happened next.

It's déjà vu all over again. I hope to wake up to hear we have the first woman US President... unless a buffoonish clown wins... again. 

Here's my bottle of original Donna Karan Chaos. It was gifted to me by Mom upon asking for it for Christmas many years ago (for once she listened and didn't buy me a blue sweater). Its fougere base has kept its age and not degraded, so I know it's really oakmoss-derived unlike the fake stuff that ages into a smell not unlike spoiled milk (giving you the stinkeye, Issey Fire!) in the thin, non-robust reissue of Chaos, which I also have a sample of for comparison.

If I wake up tomorrow and it's 2016 all over again, I might have to auction off this almost-full bottle to the highest bidder to finance my flight from the country. Not a joke.

Mahora/Mayotte

by Guerlain, 2000

Mahora was renamed Mayotte after its introductory ad campaign failed. This discontinued perfume is widely vilified as a horror, is it because something so unsophisticated came out of the haute House of Guerlain? I don't know what the hot fuss is about, Mahora is only tuberose.

Saying Mahora is "only tuberose" is like saying Michael Phelps is "only a swimmer"; both are understatements of the year, and both are a simple truth. There is tuberose, the complete tuberose, and nothing but a tsunami of the tuberose in all its waxy, tropical glory. It's heavy, and absolutely nothing is added to lighten it. To wear Mahora is to suffocate to death in a very specialized, very niche candle store (Tuberose Yankee Candle Co.?) Luckily, it isn't a strong perfume, its sillage is minimal and wears off exponentially within 4 hours.

I cannot stress this enough, to enjoy this you have to like tuberose! It may have an incense-y edge, but this is essentially a soliflore of natural (or damn good artificial), full-spectrum, god-given, this-one-goes-to-11 TUBEROSE. Despite the loud monotone, it isn't a bad scent, it wouldn't be so hated if it wasn't from Guerlain; if it were a drugstore offering from Dana its sales would suffice and it might have become a beloved scent, a reminiscence of impoverished youth. Instead you embark on a failed safari in search of a nonexistant trace of Guerlinade.

Extract of Mysore Sandalwood

by Crabtree & Evelyn, 1970

This is a discontinued fragrance that I was lucky enough to buy before it disappeared forever (Note: Basenotes lists it as still in production. Where?!), most likely discontinued due to supply problems. Sandalwood from India is now so rare & expensive it probably became cost-prohibitive to have a line of mere toiletries based upon it. Sandalwood from Mysore, India in particular is now extremely rare, overharvested, poached, and is now threatened. There's sandalwood from Australia, but it smells differently, a little more astringent and lacking the fruity undercurrent that Mysore sandalwood has. There are unrelated trees called "sandalwood" whose oil is marketed as "sandalwood oil" but the scent only bears a passing resemblance to sandalwood. Also, one if the ingredients listed on the bottle is diethyl phthalate, used to denature the alcohol (no making cocktails out of your cologne!). Due to the current hysteria concerns about phthalates lately, I suppose they couldn't bring that back, either.

Yes, Crabtree & Evelyn have a Sandalwood toilet water in production, but it's not the same thing, believe me. The current C&E sandalwood scent is a wan, pale pretender to the throne of this magnificent original, it might even have a bit of real sandalwood (from Australia?) in it, but it's so damn weak it's unidentifiable. Hell, any scent in it is pretty much undetectable! I've sampled it twice and neither time did anything blossom from this Void of Nothingness, like it did from Kenzoair. They're probably using some artificial sandalwood scent in the mix to save $$$$, which isn't working. The artificial "sandalwood" scents always lack the depth of the real thing. Each chemical may capture one facet of the scent perfectly, but it's only one facet, and very lackluster. Combine several and you may get a better approximation, but still the soul, the quintessence is missing.

But the original's sandalwood scent is deep, mellow, and rich, and surprisingly sweet. That heavy hippie-deodorant spicy astringency sandalwood can fall into is expertly rounded with ylang-ylang and a touch of cedar and vetiver. When first applied, the top notes are a very sweet ylang-ylang, a bit of cedar, and the sandalwood slowly follows behind, blooming in about 20 minutes as the ylang wears off, then it's smooth, polished sandalwood all the rest of the day. When my bottle was new, the sandalwood would leap out at you, pleasant and civilized, but insistently there. Now that it's older, it's mellowed like wine does, and makes a graceful appearance instead of announcing itself loudly. As much as I love this scent, I shouldn't wear it on my skin, for some reason it goes sour and a little rotten on me in a few hours (perhaps the ylang aging like a gardenia?), if I apply it to my clothes it's glorious all day.

I wore this as a teenager and into college. At the time, Giorgio, Polo, Drakkar Noir, and Aspen was all the rage, and though I have a special place in my heart for Giorgio & Drakkar (the snotty girls wore Aspen & Polo), this C&E scent is what really evokes my teenage years.

It's now had it's day in the limelight, (or been eulogized). Time to be tucked back into its bubblewrap and put back to bed...