Neroli Portofino & 4711 & Cologne: Separated at Birth

by Tom Ford, Maurer & Wirtz, and Thierry Mugler; 2007, 1792, & 2001;
so-so, good, good

More fraternal siblings, this time fraternal triplets. Again, close, but not identical, all have the fresh summer-lemon body, and what they do with it later is where the difference lies, and Tom Ford ought to be ashamed of himself!
Sure, he was innovative with his earlier scents: Black Orchid was exquisite, For Men was unpleasant (for me, it smelling like replicant ladyparts and all) but very unique, then he did retro very well with Violet Blonde, but Neroli Portofino? Come ON! Pretty much ripping off Thierry Mugler’s Cologne wholesale, right down to the slightly downmarket public-restroom-soap note, which it quickly backs away from, and instead dives headfirst towards the very plastic smelling 4711 fake citrus center notes. It’s still classy, and lovely, but generic and a really a copycat of its older brothers.

Now, 4711 has had a lot of work done over the years, and the stretched skin on his smooth, lemony face is sure flawless, but obvious. He still swans around Europe, respected by the ladies, still occasionally emulated by very young men, but no longer an icon. Cologne showed up and got the party started again, being just louche enough for interest, but not enough to be offensive. Now Neroli is trying to hit the scene, and has followed Cologne’s style to the letter, but didn’t forget 4711′s original key attractions, but still couldn’t pull it off. Neroli imitated the right swank from his brothers, but forgot to become his own individual on the way to the party.

Neroli Portofino sample arrived unasked-for in the mail from Neiman-Marcus. Large bottle of 4711 bought from a bridal discounter. Cologne sample bought from the now-defunct ReiRien.

Bel Ami

By Hermès, 1986

Bel Ami by Hermès is a black hole cologne, you try to escape from its pull, but ultimately succumb to the stygian Pine-Sol Musk depths, its bug spray-like sillage is the electromagnetic transmission signalling a fresh victim.

This is from the '80s, but smells as harsh as a cheap cologne from the '70s (an old, very cheap one called Archie, whose bottle was a miniature plastic hard hat, comes to mind). When I tried it on my fiancé it reacted as the creators probably intended, his skin swallowed up the scent almost immediately, and curiously, released the faintest whiff of clove. In an hour the piney-bug spray scent appeared, but much weaker and less noxious, it was almost nonexistant in a few hours and disappeared before the end of the day.

Earlier "cologne" was a unisex scent, usually heavy on the citrus, maybe a little something piney but not much. No. 4711 being one of the originals