Perfumes Of The Bible

by Ein Gedi Cosmetics, Ltd.
Thought I’d post something somewhat seasonal, and break my posting fast while a had a smidge of holiday downtime. Apologies for my absence.
Friends having a brief stop in Israel during a Mediterranean cruise picked these up for me. Since they’re about 3 oz. total of liquid, and no more, I suppose they had no trouble getting it into the ol’ U S of A.. Consisting of vials of scented oils, it features Frankincense, Myrrh, and, reaching for a somewhat related Biblical reference, Spikenard (Gold I suppose is unsmellable, nevermind what CdG says).
Aimed at the tourist looking for souvenirs, they are “soliflores”, and only have an extract of each substance in a neutral carrier oil (I think almond or sunflower oil) –no mixing, rounding, blending, no added top notes, base fixatives, etc. They are rather lightweight in scent, so I suspect they are aimed at religious anointment (the Catholic sacrament of Extreme Unction for example).
The Frankincense is just that and nothing more. I used to go to a local New Age shop in college and collect odd trinkets: Every variety of saint medallion for my mega-saint necklace, air fresheners guaranteed to bring luck or money or love, and pure incense and compressed charcoals to burn them on. The frankincense in particular filled my tiny apartment with billowy clouds of astringent smoke. If you’ve been so lucky to find pure frankincense like this, you’ll easily recognize its plastic banana undertone to the mild piney-resin overtone. It’s much fruitier than myrrh, but that’s only in comparison, there is nothing in frankincense that is truly fruity. The plastic banana is more plastic than banana. This oil version is quite mild, and might make a nice base to some experimental layering with another scent. I wouldn’t try burning the oil on a charcoal unless you like the scent of fryer oil.
The Myrrh is also just that, nothing more. The resinous, bitter edge is there, along with the the slight ozonic… no, more iodine-ish astringent wisp. Its plasticky edge is more towards the vinyl range, but is much much less than frankincense’s. There is no hint of a fruity note. Being sharper-smelling overall than frankincense, it adds the medicinal edge to church incense, and is in fact a mild antiseptic, and can be found as an ingredient in natural toothpastes. Of the three scents here, this one’s my fave, even tho it’s not as complex as the spikenard.
The Spikenard was a revelation. I had never knowingly smelled it, and only it before. Now that I know what it is I realize I have smelled it before, usually in unfashionable, but not quite drugstore perfumes. Things you might’ve gotten your mom from Sears for her birthday when you were 11, or what that lady at church would wear, or the samples floating around an Avon party. All this is a shame. Spikenard (or just Nard) starts with a strong lavender note, and just when you think that’s it, just a lavender variant, it goes spicy, some cinnamon but mostly allspice. Soon it rounds out to a powdery sweetness, vaguely like orris root but no buttery bottom to it, instead it’s much more white-flowers, but then there’s a vinyl note again, very slight (if I didn’t already know frankincense & myrrh have plastic notes, I’d be suspicious of the carrier oil now). Not bad for something that’s more closely related to valerian! The overall effect of the powdery sweet lavenderishness gives me strong mental pictures of a baby’s nursery. The baby products, the rubber pants, the plastic teething rings & pacifier: all adds up to “innocent soft sweetness” to me. The complexity is fascinating, but the powderiness I find off-putting. I’m not sure what the concentration of scent is in this one, but this is the only one of the 3 that lasted all day.

Quickies-July 4th Edition

Nothing particularly patriotic about these Quickies, it's when I found some time to post.

Piment Brûlant

by L’Artisan Parfumer, 2002, good

Leaves of a pepper plant, chocolate, light flowers, slight hint of roasted bell peppers, which descends into something close to lavender (on me) with the help of the chocolate note. I wish I could say more about it, but like many L’Artisan fragrances it’s very light and doesn’t last long. Delightful, tho.

Received a bottle as a Christmas gift from hubby.

Chance Eau Fraîche

by Chanel, 2007, Good

Melon-woody watery with that Chanel base. It’s trying for fun & young but still classy (or classy while being un-stuffy, not sure which.) Melony like Happy, supposedly the top is citrus, but I read melon. Woody like KenzoAir, but more pencilly, less hinoki. Again, supposedly teak, but seems more coniferous to me. The watery is like, well, every fresh-watery thing out there. Hint of jasmine + Chanel base. Not bad. Not remarkable. Versatile. For a nondescript, all-purpose fragrance it’s good quality and *interesting*  --unlike the same by Perry Ellis or Hugo Boss.

My sample was given to me by a Nordstrom’s saleslady when I was nosing around her department.

New/Butterfly

by Hanae Mori, 1995, good

Starts with an accord of vanilla & woods, shifts to a creamier vanilla that’s mildly fruity.
Suddenly flips in 3 minutes/hour (randomly) to an almost vanilla-free fruity floral, mostly indistinguishable from yet milder than Mandarin Jasmine. Sneaks quietly back into a vanilla woodsy musk.

Sample as part of a gift sample collection from Sephora.

Fleur Oriental

by Miller Harris, 2000, so-so

Herbal, and floral,
Powdery, vanilla, more
powder, ends in musk.

Got my sample at a yard sale, amongst several other unopened perfume samples.

Higher Energy

by Christian Dior, 2003, bad

Mix Spring Flowers & I Am King. 0% interesting, 100% banal.

Bought unopened sample at a yard sale for 25¢. I paid too much.

Lolavie

by Jennifer Anniston, 2011, so-so

Starts up as hairspray, one of the nastier flavors of Aqua-Net or VO5, heavy on the fake violet. Like the hairspray, it dries to a less harsh grapey-incense-nag champa plus a chemical overtone:  basically the strong, nose-itching odor of an old lady’s fresh bouffant “set” with half a can of hairspray, right out of the salon, small grandchildren sneezing in the wake. Add Parfum Sacré & you have her makeup. Throw in Odeur 53 and you have her purse, too.

I despise the very premise of celebrity scents: that a celebrity would have any skill in designing a fragrance, or even a sense of taste that anyone else would enjoy is preposterous. This one I was hoping would work out, be another harmless, mildly interesting Sarah Jessica Parker scent --or a damn weird Isabella Rossellini one. Jennifer Anniston is (or presents herself effectively as) nice, sweet-seeming, perhaps a little unsure of herself, very pretty but somehow you don’t hate her for it, basically innocent person. That her big signature fragrance is exactly like Grandma fresh from the salon is jarring, and disappointing somehow.


Got a free sample upon demand at Sephora.

Beauty

by Calvin Klein, 2010, so-so


Calvin Klein keeps trying to make scents for the classy mass-market, all things to all people. Sounds like a recipe for failure, no? Surprisingly, Estée Lauder has made good, interesting scents doing this very thing, but unlike Estée Lauder, CK usually falls well short of success. Yes, even CK One. And its gazillion flankers. 

(OK, ok! Obsession-was-one-of-the-greatest-scents-ever-please-get-off-my-back!)

It should be no surprise then that Beauty is also a disappointment. It comes off classy and mature, a refreshingly grown-up scent unlike the sugar sweet everything else on the sales counter. It’s floral, in an indefinable way, that at first reminds you of classic perfumery, where the perfume smells of itself, not its ingredients. It mellows, it rounds, it develops, …then it completely evaporates, in about an hour. Gone. Poof! Nothing there, nobody home. Right before it completely disappears, its scent thins, cheapens, bears a striking resemblance to the public-restroom-detergent cheap nag-champa smell of Mugler’s Cologne (without the necessary tongue-in-cheekiness), then disappears. What’s left? A thin layer of vague cheap white musk & bad candy vanilla, and I’m not sure that’s not left over from the Belle en Rykiel I wore a couple days ago.

This is so not worth the money, even if it were a cheap drugstore scent (it isn’t), even if it’s on sale (it won’t be anytime soon), even from a discounter (why bother?). The most you can say is it’s inoffensive, it has the same quality as a Perry Ellis or Hugo Boss scent: safe, bland office-wear, so you can completely blur into your beige cubicle.

<...snicker...>

I would like that my spouse would give attention to me... You heard of a perfume that smells of computer?

I went for literal rather than elegant translation. Dedicated to all the MMORPG and First-Person Shooter widows out there.

Reb'l Fleur

by Rihanna, 2011, so-so

A friend told me: “It's a simultaneous fusion of Deep South, Inner City, and Paris”. What it really is: a generic sweet fruity vanilla amber just like everything else out there right now. The berry/fruity notes  are reminiscent of Pon Farr, but Pon Far is much more interestingly engineered (notice I did not say designed). Reb’l Fleur smells like you layered every one of the Les Heurs de Cartier range together, or just  the latest Ed Hardy, Hanae Mori, Play, or whatever Sephora is flogging this summer. Les Heurs is a classy comparison, but this scent is quite generic, probably from Celebrity Generic Scent Vat #3*, if I were to guess.
Unlike most celebrity scents, this one is inoffensive. Go ahead & buy it if you’re a fan, you’ll smell fine. You’ll smell exactly like everyone else out there.

You’ll fit in perfectly.

Sprayed myself in the Macy's & took a sample card.

*Vat #1 has the Paris Hilton line. Vat #2 is the entire J-Lo oeuvre. Vat #4 is generic celebrity men’s colognes à la I Am King. Vat #5 is Drakkar/Polo/Cool Water knockoffs (see Diesel). Vat #666 (there is no #6) is the pit every Victoria’s Secret smell emanates from.

Boyfriend

by Kate Walsh, 2010, good

You know the cliche in movies: a woman spends a random night with some guy,  and appears in the “next morning” scene wearing one of his shirts as a nightgown or robe. If a perfume can capture what that smells like, this is it. It embodies a clean-guy-in-flannel-shirt essence, a bit of tobacco  —or perhaps other smokeable (it’s a bit weedy & resinous), and a whole lotta vanilla, amber, light musk, and gentle rosy undertones. The net effect is a burly, very slightly sweaty manly man wearing Shalimar (which, BTW, should totally be worn by guys!), averaging what borrowing your man’s clothes smells like. It doesn’t give unique details of your guy, just an amalgam of “guyness”. It’s unexpectedly comforting & soothing, and has a very snuggly feel, so I’d recommend it for fall or winter. Men could wear this easily; it actually smells like a guy’s scent, but it’s engineered to be a scent women would find acceptable to wear... or buy for her guy.

Its separated-at-birth twin? Black Orchid. These two are very very similar, but Black Orchid is definitely classier, more upmarket smelling, with heavier, finer vanilla, a powdery overtone, and less weedy/tobacco effect. Boyfriend is much more casual & all-purpose, with a more candied vanilla. Boyfriend is daywear, Black Orchid is a night on the town. Both could be easily worn by guys, and should be!

Got my sample free upon request at Sephora.

Gorilla Perfumes

by LUSH, 2011

Hippie-ish mostly natural scents. This collection is a cross section of the scents LUSH uses in all their other products. Taken together, the entire collection reeks of one of their stores, you can smell it a mile away and instantly identify it as “LUSH outlet”. Calling these the Gorilla perfumes is a bit of a hint that these things are STRONG. Use tiny amounts.

Imogen Rose

A dirty rose essence. Like all their scents, if the ingredient is natural, it's “dirty”, that is, it hasn't been significantly refined or stratified extensively. Therefore, they have all their components, even the less than pure scent ones. This is a very earthy, salty rose scent. Like the other scents, it's reminiscent of a bath bomb, just one of the rosier ones. The baking soda/salty aspect adds to this effect. It wears down to a more heavy, earthy base, and the vetiver comes out with a leftover soft sweetness. In the end it becomes a swampy rose scent. Strangely heavy for something named after the company founder's infant daughter. Works better on men.

The Smell Of Freedom

The smell of citronella candle, to begin with, then a dose of the mimosa absolute they use in so many of their products. Has an uplifting undercurrent of jasmine & iris. Reading the ingredients, I see it also has sandalwood, but it's pretty hard to find under everything else. Not reminiscent of freedom, particularly, it weighs you way down, man.

Orange Blossom

Much like Imogen Rose, this has its main floral scent paired with a salty/baking soda-ish base. Unlike Imogen Rose, the main floral scent eventually breaks free and becomes itself, but not before spending a few hours in petitgrain/neroli astringency, that just about chokes you before it passes. If you endure it, this fades and you are treated to a kaleidoscopic whirl through mimosa, jasmine, iris, sandalwood, each paired with the orange blossom scent until the whole thing wears off... in about 20 hours. Again, pretty good on a guy, too.

Breath Of God

Only if god eats pine needles and cedar bark, and gargles with original Old Spice. Your standard issue old fashioned aftershave scent, all natural.

Tuca Tuca

LUSH makes much of this being inspired by an Italian pop song. I can see why, “fruit punch & violet extract” doesn't seem as inspirational. Overall, it's the closest analog to the store experience in a nutshell. A very musky, fruity, sweet, earthy nutshell. It's a real bodice-ripper.

Lust

If you're familiar with Godiva and Flying Fox, you've smelled Lust. It's their signature jasmine scent. And is it ever luuurrrvvely! OK, a brief renaming is in order: Tuca Tuca should be named Lust, and Breath of God should be this perfume. Crazy strong, of course, and is lacking the mellowing of the honey in Flying Fox, but if I'm a complete sucker for anything, it's a good whole jasmine!

Karma

Their bestselling scent, and in many of their products (for once, all of them named Karma). Why, I don't know. It's a greeny-orange scent that smells more of a public restroom cleaning agent than anything I'd want to wear for fun. Fairly bland and surpringly lacks any development at all. Big yawn.

Vanillary

As named, it's their vanilla scent. Very foody, has a heavy cake element, if you like your cake with a musky orange base. It's so overwhelming for about the first 45 minutes I thought my nostrils were being scoured with vanilla-scented tub scrub (more of that baking soda element), then it wore & settled into the soft, fuzzy, cakey, orangey, incredibly thick vanilla cloud. It's a very thick, soft, wool sweater; it's a perfect winter scent. I now own it in 3 versions, so I think I like it!

Hello Kitty

by Sanrio, 2011


Another pink juice review, this time it’s packaged in a cutesy cartoon cat’s head instead of a freaky Necromonger-couture bottle. Like Womanity, Hello Kitty tries to be all things to all women, or, in this case, girls. Unlike Womanity, it fails to be anything to anyone. Recall my entry on I Am King, now imagine a scent even more insipid, if that’s possible.
However, it’s 100% less cynical than that Sean John corporate melange; it stays on-message with its brand philosophy of a happy-happy, joy-joy kawaii-to-the-max lifestyle.

To that end, it’s mega-innocuous, and like most Japanese market oriented scents, it’s not there. Unlike other Japanese-market scents, this one is really not there. There’s no there there, it’s just about nothing. The carrier alcohol has to evaporate before any scent at all is noticeable, and when it does appear, it isn’t worth the wait. As a friend described, “If it was one of the Star Trek perfumes, it would be called The Neutral Zone.”

So what does it smell like already?! Damn little. The vaguest notes of something fruity, something floral, something air-freshenery, something pink. Something.

What that something is… your guess is as good as mine.

Womanity

by Thierry Mugler, 2010

Have you seen its bottle?! It's the most disquieting perfume bottle that's ever been mass-produced. A clear columnar bottle with pewterish metal capping shaped like melting Aztec heiroglyphics, a chain  connecting a collar for the spray cover, and tacked on like an afterthought-- a woman's face?! Creep-y! And, get this, the juice.... is pink! The columnar form plus face tells me Thierry is on his Sci-Fi repurposing twist again, 'cause it looks like the bad guys in this little B-movie that we've all seen too much of on USA Network during summer break... (No? OK, maybe it was just me...)

So the packaging is ballsy for a mainstream perfume, got that. So how's it smell?

Eh... it's pink.

Yes, yes, it's fig & salt& musk & coconut & tropical flowers & that freshfruity-melonwater thing that everything's got in it nowadays.  It all adds up to meh, really. Take a base of his Cologne, add a few (small, tiny) drops of Alien, standard-issue "fig" scent, and a dollop of Hermès Eau des Merveilles and you basically got it. Not bad, but not remarkable either. It doesn't live up to its own bottle.

You could do worse, but Thierry could definitely do better. Hey look! It comes in a ring...