Tabac Blond

by Caron, 1919


I can't detect the tobacco in Ambre Narguile, and Tabac Blond is to blame. In the varied and illustrious history of tobacco-based perfumes, this is the 900-pound gorilla. When the writer of One Thousand Scents wrote his own entry on Ambre Narguile, he emphasized the tobacco. I commented on his post that I didn't notice tobacco in it much. In my own post on Ambre Narguile, I focussed on its foodier aspects, I didn't mention the tobacco because, to me, it was so non-existent and fleeting.

That's because Tabac Blond is a Virginia tobacco barn full of the lightest, sweetest, richest, Grade A tobacco leaf hanging to dry. No tarriness, just sweet, sweet, mellow, unburnt leaf. There's maybe a bit of musk and definitely some orris, a touch of some white flower accord, but everything else is incidental to the point of the scent, which is tobacco, and nothing but. It's so strong I expect to find nicotine stains on my fingertips every time I apply it. The blond in the name refers more to the shade of the tobacco, and only metaphorically to a Veronica Lake-style femme-fatale  ...one who's about to light a cigarette, raising one deadpan eyebrow at the leading man's best pickup line, nullifying it.

Grey Flannel

by Geoffrey Beene, 1976

Lavender & mothballs. Violet leaf & oakmoss. Astringent. It's a theme that's been done to death in men's colognes and aftershaves. Some consider this classic combo of scents to be comforting, a reminder of paternal figures in their lives, and it does say "quintessential classic masculine", but it's also acrid, sharp, and constantly on the edge of setting off my nasal allergies. As classic a combo as it may be, oakmoss mixed with lavender does a disservice to the oakmoss, and is practically a waste of a substance that's already endangered in perfumery. Lavender is notably tricky to work with, being so camphoraceous and strong, so making it the center of a composition, instead of a supporting character in miniscule quantities, automatically means the star of the show will be LAVENDER! (--and some other players hanging around-- don't mind us...) If you're feeling creative and trying to find a nominally novel way of presenting lavender, go right ahead, knock yerself out! I bet you won't succeed. Lavender-centric scents have been a staple of perfumery since, well, lavender was discovered, and mixed with absolutely everything available at one time or another. And you know what they got? LAVENDER! (...and some other stuff, nothing to see here... move along, move along...) Better to stick to the well known presentations which have a track record of success. Sharp and boring as it is, you could do worse than the showcase for lavender that is Grey Flannel, much worse... you could try to formulate your own.

Cologne

by Thierry Mugler, 2001

Thierry Mugler is an artist at the high-low fashion tightrope walk, because his Cologne is a real work of postmodern art. It starts by smelling like a better-made, more expensive version of 4711, all fresh and citrusy, and you're thinking, "Hey, ok, highend 4711, dude!". Then all of a sudden you're wearing highway reststop bathroom soap, "Whoa! WTF?" (yes, my inner voice sounds like Keanu), which evolves into the barest hint of Nag Champa incense and aftershave lotion, then something fresh-herby starts morphing into Un Jardin en Méditerranée, suddenly zigs away from that luxe smell, zagging back into the reststop bathroom. All this in under 5 min. Then it starts all over again; or, really never went away, just revealed more of itself over time.

Sound complicated? It's not, it's very straightforward and simple smelling. Mugler's scents tend to be rather direct and no-nonsense, hitting you upside the head with their obvious-yet-weird mashups of quotidian accords: Angel=chocolate-musk-vetiver-licorice, Alien=jasmine-wood-musk, and this? Citrus-pink public bathroom soap-incense-herbs. If fashion is the line between taste and trash, this is a work of genius.

Feu d'Issey

by Issey Miyake, 1998

It's a fire alright, right outta Hell!  This has been characterized as an odd floral-spicy scent, roses & hot milk, according to some. I put it on and immediately thought, "OFF! OFF! GET IT OFF ME NOW!!!" Roses & milk & spices MY ASS! This is roses & boxwood & baby barf. The roses I'm sure of, the boxwood is my best guess at an indelible strong spicy-woody-vileness accord, one that reminds me to those nasty bottles of predator urine (bobcat, wolf, fox, etc.) you can buy at fancy garden centres to sprinkle around your vegetable plot and scare away the little bunnies from eating your lettuces. The baby barf is the closest to the purported "milky" note, but if it's milk, it's waaaay beyond rotten, and not even cheese yet, just a bile-laced bad-breath sour-rotten nightmare that clings needily to skin. I don't get it at all, why is there a following for this discontinued dumpster juice (Heaven help us! there's a "Light" version still available)?!

I diligently tried to scrub it off after enduring close to an hour of wear, just to be fair and check for development into something tolerable. Was it worth it? Let's just say this was possibly the biggest sacrifice I've ever made in the name of Fairness.

After scrubbing three times with different detergents and soaps, IT'S STILL THERE! I may have to amputate...

Quickies

Sorry once again for my long absence. Aren't the holidays swell? As usual, no time for a single in-depth review:

Odeur 53 by Comme des Garçons

Supposedly made of 53 chemicals not found in nature. Has ridiculous ad copy that mentions NONE of the following: Faint whiffs of rose, old leather, stale tobacco, lipstick, dried up mint gum, and a lost violet pastille. It's Eau de Grandma's Purse...  oddly, it's not your grandmother's purse.

Prada eau de parfum

Berries, musk, leather accord base. Luxurious, classy. Seemed to be aiming at Kelly Caleche but hit Lolita Lempicka by accident.

Black Amethyst by Bath & Body Works

Lowend deadringer for the above. Less leather, no development. Won't wash off.

888 by Comme des Garçons



Supposedly made to smell like gold bullion, but smells like a mostly generic highend luxury scent. Replace the berries from the Prada with saffron, add a yellow (instead of white) flower accord and it's the same scent. Still... nice, classy, pleasant, gives a warm glow.

Angel Men Pure Coffee by Thierry Mugler

This is Angel (candy-chocolate-musk). For Men (extra musk). Coffee scented (Yum!), which wears off quickly, just musk left (yuck), which sticks to your clothes fiercely (drycleaning!$$!).